The Problem Parable

(two seekers of truth enter, excited, in a spirit of wonder and brotherhood, both with wonderful intentions, both fully intending to seek truth, find truth, cling to truth, and eschew any form of deception or bad teaching, but each employs diametrically opposed methods)
SEEKER ONE:
(heading for the front)  This is an exciting day!  I’ve been waiting to hear this teacher for such a long time!
SEEKER TWO:
(elated)  Ah, ME TOO!  She is supposed to be SOOOOO anointed!
SEEKER ONE:
(getting a chair)  She really seems to be able to hear God — ever notice how there’s always some people, like prophets, who seem to be able to hear God better than the rest of us?
SEEKER TWO:
(getting a chair)  Well, I think what you MEAN to say, is that God chooses to speak to some people — His prophets…
SEEKER ONE:
(laughing, sitting)  Well, that’s the same thing, isn’t it?  Just semantics.
SEEKER TWO:
(concerned, sitting)  Not really.  What you said is that some people have some kind of natural ability of hearing God better than the rest of us — whereas I said that it is God choosing to whom He speaks.  You think that’s the same thing?
SEEKER ONE:
(laughing it off)  Well, I don’t think I said THAT, not exactly.  I think we’re in agreement, basically.  (clapping hands and rubbing them together)  Oh man, this has to be about the most exciting day of my life — to actually hear the Teacher talk!
SEEKER TWO:
I was going to pick up one of those little hand-held recorder things so I wouldn’t miss a single word, but I was afraid I’d miss her talk…

 

(enter Teacher, a meditating woman, methodically ringing a gong, comes toward front)

 

TEACHER:

(chanting softly)  Learn my words.  Practice what I preach.  (rings gong)  Learn my words.  Practice what I preach.  (rings gong — comes slowly toward front)

 

SEEKER ONE:

Oh, I don’t think you’ll need a tape recorder.  Not from what I hear of the Teacher.  You’ll just suck all of her words right into your soul.  Man, this is exciting.

 

SEEKER TWO:

(a little uncomfortable)  I don’t know about that.  I want to look up everything the Teacher teaches.  Check it out, see if everything is . . . you know, Kosher.

 

SEEKER ONE:

(laughs uproariously)  That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.  If you can’t trust the Teacher teachings, what CAN you believe in?

 

SEEKER TWO:

(gives Seeker One a dirty look)  Well, I’m looking forward to the teaching, too.  (looks and catches sight of Teacher approaching)  Look!  Is that the Teacher?

 

TEACHER:

(loudly now)  Learn my words!  Practice what I preach!  (really smacks gong)

 

SEEKER ONE:

(incredibly excited, jumps out of chair)  That’s the Teacher!  I can’t believe it!  The Teacher is here!  Look everyone, it’s the Teacher!

 

SEEKER TWO:

(excited, but remains seated, watches arrival of Teacher, staring fixedly, mutters softly)  This is really incredible.  To actually hear the teachings of the Teacher, finally, after all this time!

 

TEACHER:

(arrives at front)  Learn my words!  Practice what I preach!  (never really looks directly at Seekers)

 

SEEKERS:

(in various stages of awe and amazement) — Seeker One kneels before Teacher, Seeker Two remains sitting, notices Seeker One and pointedly frowns at him.

 

TEACHER:

(stares at heaven, speaks mysteriously)  Remember.  Watch.  Study me.  Live.

 

SEEKER ONE:

Amen!  Teach it, Teacher!

 

SEEKER TWO:

(frowns at Seeker One, but returns gaze to Teacher)  Please.  I want to hear your words…

 

TEACHER:

(looks for the first time at Seeker Two)  You are wise, my child.  Hear my words.  Weigh my wisdom carefully.  Do not take my teachings out of context.  Do you understand?

 

SEEKER TWO:

(nodding, barely suppressing excitement)  Yes.  I understand.

 

SEEKER ONE:

(still on knees, has eyes closed, hands raised over head)  Amen!  Amen amen!  YES!  I can hear you Teacher!  TEEEEEAAACH it!

 

SEEKER TWO:

(really angry, glaring at Seeker One — balls up a fist to smack him one, then looks at his own fist, back at Seeker, back at fist, and smiles with a little shame, with a little embarrassment — he reaches out and pats Seeker One on the back, smiling, shaking head slightly)

 

TEACHER:

(watching them)  Very good.  Remember this, first:  get along with each other.  Love each other.  Will you remember?

 

SEEKER TWO:

(calmly, swearing it, meaning it)  Yes!

 

SEEKER ONE:

(eyes closed, bowing low)  Hey ya, hey ya, hey ya!  Hey ya-heyya-heyya-heyya!  (completely looney)

 

TEACHER:

Listen.  A story . . . A man.  A man . . . Studying.  Learning . . . A path.  A path . . . A man on a path.  A man on a path . . . Intentions correct . . . A man walking easy.  A man walking hard . . . Seeking . . . A man walking easy approaches a cliff.  A man walking hard approaches a beach . . . Believing.  A man walking easy falls off a cliff.  A man walking hard lies upon the beach . . . Death.  Life.  Choose wisely.  (looks at them both carefully)  Do you understand?

 

SEEKER ONE:

(shaking, in ecstacy)  Hey ya!  Whoa, oh hey ya!  Hey ya-heyya-heyya-heyya!

 

SEEKER TWO:

(shaking head slowly, thinking hard)  I’m sorry.  But, um, please forgive me?

 

TEACHER:

Ye of little faith, listen and hear, learn and remember:  two men, two paths, a wrong path, a correct path, a wrong path easy, a correct path difficult, a wrong path death, a correct path life, a wrong path a choice, a correct path a choice.  Remember my words.  Practice my preaching.  I will come back, soon.  Watch for me.  Help each other.  Get along.  I will come back soon.  (turns and begins exit, ringing gong, repeating chant, growing softer and softer)

 

SEEKER ONE:

Wasn’t that awesome?  Man, like, I memorized every word!  (get up, finally, sits in chair)

 

SEEKER TWO:

(meditating, hardly hearing Seeker One)  Yes.  So much — to think about.

 

SEEKER ONE:

You know, the most incredible thing was that the Teacher said we were to practice what she preached.  It’s so obvious, when you think about it — she said everything twice!  If we practice what she preached, we’ll say everything twice!  (smiles hugely, nodding head, says again, LOUDER)  IF WE PRACTICE WHAT SHE PREACHED, WE’LL SAY EVERYTHING TWICE!

 

SEEKER TWO:

(irritated)  I don’t think that’s the point.  She was obviously telling us about our lives.  That we have two different ways to follow…

 

SEEKER ONE:

Oh don’t think so much!  There’s really only one man.  And obviously,  (getting into it, building in excitement, adding and building and creating something very new, gets up, paces)  we live twice!  And one life is for living wrong, and one life is for living RIGHT!  And since this must be our first life, we should do as many blatantly wrong things as we can!

 

SEEKER TWO:

(disturbed)  What in the world are you talking about?  The Teacher didn’t say anything like that!  In fact, she explained her parable.  Remember?  Two men?  Two paths?  A foolish path and a wise path?  Death and life?  Don’t you remember?

 

SEEKER ONE:

(sits beside Seeker Two, takes his arm)  I DO remember.  I remember everything.  But the difference is, I’m remembering with my HEART!  (pounds on own heart)  While you’re remembering with your HEAD!   (bangs on Seeker Two’s head)  It’s all in the numbers!  TWO is the magical number!  Everything in TWOs!

 

SEEKER TWO:

(shaking head in disbelief)  The Teacher said to “Learn my words.”  What she said is important.  She told us a story.  A SYMBOLIC story — and then she interpreted it for us — well, for me anyway, because I have a hard time understanding symbolism…

 

SEEKER ONE:

See?  At least you admit it.  You have a hard time!  And yes, SYMBOLISM is the answer.  And the number TWO is a SYMBOL.  We need to do everything TWICE, in both our lives.  Everyday we need to go for a walk on TWO paths.  And we need to choose as we’re walking, TWO times a poor choice, and TWO times a wise choice!  Man, it’s all so clear!

 

SEEKER TWO:

(losing temper)  Don’t you see what you’re doing?  You’re reading a meaning into the teaching that’s just not there?  I think we need to stick with what she taught us, in CONTEXT.  I mean, we could go an count all the letters in all the words, and take each second letter to get a whole new story…

 

SEEKER ONE:

(light bulb going off)  Wow!  What an incredible idea!  In fact we could program a computer to do just that.

 

SEEKER TWO:

(exasperated)  No, that’s not what I mean.  She gave us simples words and told us to remember them.  To follow them.  To understand them.  The Teacher never said there was hidden wisdom in her words, that we’re supposed to look at the story and find a completely different meaning…

 

SEEKER ONE:

Imitate her, THAT’s what she said.  We should try and do everything like the Teacher.  I think YOU’re missing the whole point.  I mean, I think we should take it even further, we should copy the Teacher.  We should all have blonde hair, just like her!  (nodding resolutely)  In fact, today I’m going to go past one of them beauty parlors and dye my hair blonde.

 

SEEKER TWO:

(really losing it)  What are you talking about!  She never said ANYTHING about our hair, or copying her!  And you even got her hair color wrong!  She’s not blonde, she’s brunette!  You weren’t even looking at her, how in the world would you know?  (mockingly)  Heyya Heyya Heyya!

 

SEEKER ONE:

(getting angry)  Well you’re not helping any with that kind of attitude!  Don’t you remember she said that you were supposed to agree with me?  That if you didn’t agree with me, you might fall off a cliff?

 

SEEKER TWO:

(angry)  I think you have a mental problem.  In fact, I think you’re doing it on purpose, you’re intentionally misquoting the Teacher, and really, I think you’re trying to deceive me!

 

SEEKER ONE:

(raising voice)  Don’t call ME a deceiver!  You’re the one who’s trying to read your own bizarre interpretation into everything.

 

SEEKER TWO:

Well, maybe you’re not trying to deceive me, but you sure are twisting the Teacher’s words!

 

SEEKER ONE:

I’m not twisting anything.  Just looking deeper than you are!

 

SEEKER TWO:

Well, you can just forget using my library for your studies.  You might suddenly see deeper wisdom in my books and figure that instead of reading them you need to EAT them!

 

SEEKER ONE:

Really!  Well, you’ve gotten your LAST free lunch from me, you filthy moocher!

 

SEEKER TWO:

Oh you bought me a burrito two times!  Some big spender you are!  Keep your Taco Bell!

 

SEEKER ONE:

Well YOU own about 5 or 6 books!  You call that a library!  Stuff your library!

 

SEEKER TWO:

You don’t know anything.  Why don’t you go start a cult?

 

SEEKER ONE:

YOU DON’T.  Keep practicing your traditions!

 

SEEKER TWO:

IDIOT!

 

SEEKER ONE:

FOOL!

 

TEACHER:

(coming up aisle, abruptly like a rushing train, clanging gong)  I’ve been watching you, the both of you!  My words are to bring you together, not separate you!  You’re supposed to love each other, not call each other fools!

 

SEEKER TWO:

But did you hear all that nonsense!  How am I supposed to cope with all that nightmare?

 

SEEKER ONE:

Did you hear the way he was throwing your teaching to the ground?

 

TEACHER:

There is good interpretation.  There is bad interpretation.  There is good memory, there is faulty memory.  The two will grow together, side by side.  Love each other.  Help each other understand.  I am not pulling up the weeds, not until the end.  It is not your job to pull up the weeds.  Now, if you are my children follow me!  (turns and walks back up aisle)

 

(the Seekers rise and follow)

 

SEEKER ONE:

Did you hear her THAT time?  She said the TWO must grow side by side!  TWO!

 

SEEKER TWO:

There you go again!

 

TEACHER:

(vehemently)  FOLLOW ME!

 

(they follow)